Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's the relationship baggage from my past, or some combination of the two. Whatever it is, I've got a problem with marriage. I suppose the broader framework would, even more importantly, encompass the stigma of divorce.What is it with our society and marriage? Why is there such pressure to tie the knot? Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a nice, long-term, committed relationship. I think we crave it somehow as humans. Something about the intimacy. However, I definitely think making a promise to be with someone for a lifetime is overly optimistic. Why not make it like a lease of some type? "I'll give ya 10 years; then we'll assess the situation". If it's working...renew. If it's not working...don't. If I ever marry someday, I'll say something along the lines of "I promise to be with you for a longer than average amount of time".
How can two people predict what they will be like in 10 years? (SHIT! I can't predict what I'm going to be like tomorrow!!) You might mesh well at first, but later on you might not. Those marriages that do last, are those in which the people got really lucky. They grew and changed in such ways that they were still compatible--or at least they don't want to kill each other.
I would say the concept that causes me the most confusion about the institution of marriage is: stigmatization of divorce. Why is divorce such a terrible thing? I understand that separation and divorce result in many levels of pain. Guess what...staying in a bad marriage will fuck you up!! And if you're "staying together for the kids", you might as well put them in therapy before they show signs of how much that fucked them up.
All I can say at this point is: for the love of all that is reality, only get married if you find someone who you WANT to be legally bound to. Don't go out and search for someone to marry just because you want to get married! That is a recipe for...a lot of unneccessary bullshit. Ladies and gentlemen; be not afraid of singledom. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing.
Next rant topic: weddings and children.
1 comment:
Oh dear...
I must admit to being a TOTAL BELIEVER in the whole HaPPiLy eVeR aFTeR thing. I know it sounds SO nerdy, but I adore being married. It is one of my most favorite things in the whole world.
: )
Yes... it definitely involves a bit of luck (and sometimes a few practice runs with a couple of Mr. Wrongs), but mostly it seems to take an incredible amount of humor, faith, patience.... and the ability to focus on one another's strengths as opposed to weaknesses.
I miss you, Amy gurl. I can picture your smile as clear as day. Every time the song "To the Left, To the Left" comes on, I think about how I don't know which side of me is the left, and I think about working along side you at PZ.
xo
g.
P.S.
Prince Charming works at Trader Joes on James Street.
; )
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